I’m going to write a song for my future love right now, to describe my feelings and thoughts to play to her in the future.
There are a certain set of almost routine things I think about before leaving for a ‘big night out’. The thought process and the end result are almost exactly the same every time.
I think, will this be the night? Will I meet someone? Will I hook-up? Should I trim my pubes? Whats the point?
The bottom line is, I always let a glimmer of hope shine through my usually skeptical persona. And this is what lets me down all the time.
Personally, I think that it’s better to go do things having no prior expectations, that way no matter what happens, you are bound not to be disappointed.
Social interactions have always confused me in the past, they confuse me now, and they will probably confuse me in the future too.
There’s just something that feels kind of forceful, and maybe a little bit painful in trying to make conversation with someone whom you’ve only known for the last 5 seconds. Some people have a natural talent for striking up conversations with even the most dull people. I, on the other hand, am the opposite- as I discovered at a party last night, standing in the corner with a beer in my hand, and stoned out of my mind.
I watched the people, I watched them talk, watched them move in and out of their little social groups, I watched them laugh at jokes and laugh at other people, but the one thing that seemed common to me was how terribly fake the whole thing looked.
Now, I don’t know whether I was just so stoned I was beyond the point of human interaction. But I swear, when a girl came over, it took me a full 10 seconds to realize that she was trying to speak to me. I tried to get along with her, but beyond her pretty face, it just seemed like there was a ton of shit (of the bull variety [lame]) spilling out of her mouth. I allowed myself to tolerate this for a couple of minutes before excusing myself to light up another Joint on the balcony.
As I stared at the city skyline in the cool air, I came to a sudden realization that sometimesyou just aren’t meant to understand everything. So, its fine that I don’t totally get why people pretend to like each other, but I can come to terms with them doing it, because, who knows, maybe they are just trying to get through another day too.
In the end though, you have to do what makes you happy, and if you feel you are stuck in a cycle that bores you- break away. Even if it means you have to stop faking your personality with other people. Fuck it, do what makes you happy.
And that’s the one rule I try to live by everyday.
When people try and drop in subtle little jabs at you in conversations, thinking you won’t notice, but you actually do. Fuck off bitch, you think Id actually hang around you fucking gossip loving, spineless little whore girls rather than hanging out with people I love? Nah fuck you bitch. Fuck you constantly trying to 1up me, constantly dropping in sarcasm in conversations that I try to keep decent.
There’s a reason why ‘I saw you and I ignored you’ the other day, it’s because I don’t fucking like you, I don’t enjoy speaking to you, and WHY would I ever do something that I don’t find enjoyable? Dumb slut. Take the hint, I don’t want you in my life anymore.. Just stop.. Stop trying to make me feel guilty, stop trying to make me feel shit, stop trying to say ‘he’s better than us now, he doesn’t need to talk to us’ because the truth is.. I AM BETTER OFF NOT TALKING TO YOU. I’m actually happier.
So just fucking take the goddamn hint and leave it alone, I may have been your friend once upon a time, but evidently things change, so fuck off. If it seems like I’m being cold to you it’s because I am. Bitch.